Croke Park

[True Red]

Taken from the Examiner

You know rugby and soccer are coming to Croker when ...

... THE signs are there. Subtle indications. Oblique hints. You're not getting hit over the head or anything, but if you have eyes to see you'll see that the day is fast approaching and the portents are all around.

Not the Ireland-train-in-Dublin-3 stories. The other portents.

Like Eddie O'Sullivan getting his Bainisteoir top ready for use, having the letters legible on his chest . . . and Bernard Laporte getting his one tailored by Charvet.

Like the Artane Boys Band practicing La Marseillaise...

And Nickey Brennan learning the words as well.

Like Up For The Match featuring Martin Johnson and John Jeffrey, not to mention Jurgen Klinsmann and Franz Beckenbauer later in the year.

Like the fact that suddenly there are no Irish accents whatsoever to be heard on the steps of the Gresham when it comes to on or around two o'clock on the Sunday of a big game. Which is bad news for the touts.

Like the fact that the trains coming from all points south are crammed with people from San Marino, Slovakia, Cyprus and the Czech Republic rather than wearers of tops adorned with O2 or Kerry Group crests.

Like the fact that the umpires' white coats can be left hanging in the little room at the corner of the Cusack and the Canal End.

Like the fact that if Micheal O'Muircheartaigh says Yannick Jauzion's parents are from Sainte Eulalie D'Olt and Sauveterre, "neither a rugby stronghold", half of those listening have never heard the phrase before.

Like the fact that when the All-Ireland winning team of 25-years previously is introduced at half-time during the big game, half of those in attendance have no idea who they are.

Like the fact that none of the balls being used are GAA-approved — and that causes nobody any problems.

Still, that's only one side of the story. What happens when all those guys go back to their various environments? Then you'll know that soccer and rugby have really been in Croke Park because . . .

Serge Betsen insists on a 'bash ball' after a dodgy call during the Biarritz-Bayonne clash, causing confusion by urging the referee to 'leave in the ball to f*%$' and 'clear away out of it'.

Gareth Barry forces his colleagues at Aston Villa to take part in a parade around the pitch behind a marching band before games; only Martin O'Neill realises what he's on about.

Brian Ashton wins a vital World Cup game when he points out that his opponents didn't submit their team sheet to the referee as gaeilge and on official headed paper.

Jens Lehmann causes havoc at the Emirates Stadium when he appeals to the referee to ask your f***ing umpires whether a shot has crossed the goal-line or not, adding that it was a pure f***ing square ball in the first place.

Gavin Henson defends his decision to go for a score from out on the wing because he'd point a sideline with the wind any day of the week, sure.

Steve Staunton blows out his cheeks after a game and says a man would want to be either independently wealthy or a schoolteacher to be able to manage a team in this day and age.

The Italy, France, Scotland, England and Wales rugby panels all apply to Dessie Farrell for membership of the GPA. And are accepted.

A certain county secretary from southern Munster fends off repeated entreaties from various IRB and FIFA-affiliated bodies to take up senior management positions with said organisations.

Alex Ferguson and Jose Mourinho forsake their heated dugouts to stalk the sidelines and encroach upon the playing area; both clubs complain bitterly about the fines imposed as a result.

This class of sporting ecumenism only goes so far, of course. The suggestion that Phil Vickery or Raphael Ibanez might preface any speeches with "Is mór an onór dom an corn seo a ghlacadh". That's just nonsense.

The notion that either of them being in a position to collect any silverware is just beyond belief. Isn't it?

[Bord na Mona man]

Enjoyed that one.
A clever article that didn't resort to the usual hackneyed rubbished about gaels spinning in their graves, hang sangwiches and whatever else passes for journalism on the Croke Park issue.

[Rynaghs Biffo]

Agree with BNMM, great piece!!! Better than the usual shite!